I came across this commercial on YouTube, Arranged Marriage, which shows the benefits of choice.
Confucius say: if you think we’re going to sum up your whole life on this little bit of paper, you’re crazy.
I found it in a tweet from zen_habits.
Make a chair and take a seat
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry what is your problem?” Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!”
Ms Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the third-grade.”
Ms Brooks says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions?” The principal and Harry both agree.
Ms Brooks asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Harry, after a moment: “Legs.”
Ms Brooks: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!
Harry replied: “Pockets.”
Ms Brooks: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
Ms Brooks: What’s starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.
Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?”
The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Harry: Shake hands
Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of questions, okay?
Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first. The Principal was looking restless and bit tense.
Harry: Wedding Ring
Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Ms Brooks: What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of heat and excitement?
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself.”
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named “Administratium.” Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than one second. Adminstratium has a normal half-life of 3 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Administratium’s mass will actually increase over time since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass. You will know it when you see it.
Punctuation Substitution is a terrific way of relieving your anger in a way that only you (and a few others…) know of.
I found this image in a profile at StumbleUpon.
This was originally posted at another blog of mine.
A Buddhist approaches a hotdog vendor and says: “Make me one with everything.”
He gives the vendor a $20 bill and waits. Finally he says: “Where’s my change?”
Says the vendor: “All change must come from within.”
A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.
“Entschuldigung, sprechen Sie deutsch?” he asks. The two Americans just stare at him.
“Excusez-moi, parlez-vous Français?” he tries. The two continue to stare.
“Parlano l’italiano?” No response.
“Hablan ustedes Espanol?” Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, totally frustrated.
The first American turns to the second and says, “Y’know, maybe we should learn a foreign language.” “Why?” says the other, “That guy knew four languages, and it didn’t do him any good.”
BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It’s so easy to use, even a child can operate it. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere-even sitting in an armchair by the fire-yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc.
Here’s how it works: BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence.
Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density and cutting costs.
Experts are divided on the prospects for further increases in information density; for now, BOOKS with more information simply use more pages. Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet. BOOK may be taken up at any time and used merely by opening it. BOOK never crashes or requires rebooting, though like other display devices it can become unusable if dropped overboard.
The “browse” feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward or backward as you wish. Many come with an “index” feature, which pinpoints the exact location of any selected information for instant retrieval.
An optional “BOOKmark” accessory allows you to open BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session-even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus, a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers. Conversely, numerous BOOK markers can be used in a single BOOK if the user wants to store numerous views at once. The number is limited only by the number of pages in the BOOK.
You can also make personal notes next to BOOK text entries with an optional programming tool, the Portable Erasable Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Stylus (PENCILS).
Portable, durable, and affordable, BOOK is being hailed as a precursor of a new entertainment wave. Also, BOOK’s appeal seems so certain that thousands of content creators have committed to the platform and investors are reportedly flocking. Look for a flood of new titles soon.